Getting my heart broken was one of the worst experiences of my life. You never originally imagine yourself at such a deep, dark place. I felt like my whole world was falling apart around me; almost as if there was not a reason to even live anymore. I became depressed and enveloped in my own self-pity and eventually hopeless. I debated on just being single the rest of my life and never dating again. If it happened to me once, then, it would probably happen again. There was no protecting me from the pain that heartbreaks could cause. I was mad at the world and thought that love was for idiots stupid enough to fall for it. Over the time, I got better, though. Everyone says the first cut is the deepest. The day I got my heart broken changed me in good and bad ways.
The weekend before it all happened had been wonderful. My boyfriend, Freeman, and I had gone out on the town and had a blast. For the rest of the weekend, we went swimming and basically just spent time with each other. It was wonderful, just sharing laughs with each other and sneaking in a kiss here and there. The following week, we didn’t really see each other, because he had school and I was forced to stay home to clean the house before my parents got home, while he had to work until late. That Wednesday night, I was at home washing dishes when the phone rang. I knew it had to be Freeman, because he always called at five o’ clock when he got home from work. I answered the phone excited as always only to hear him announce that we needed to talk. Anybody who hears those words knows what is coming. I was devastated. He told me that we just fussed too much and we needed a break from each other. I didn’t even want to hear him explain himself at the moment, so, I handed the phone to my mom and refused to talk to him. I could not process any thoughts. My breathing began to increase rapidly and my knees grew weak. After a year and ten months, you would think that someone would have more respect for you then to break up with you out of nowhere on the phone.
The following day, I began to have horrible thoughts. Driving my car down the road was the hardest thing to do. Every bridge I passed over, I wanted to run off. Every log truck that I passed, I contemplated driving out in front of them. It was just disturbing and very disgusting to have these thoughts in my head. I could not even turn my radio on for the fear of hearing a song that reminded me of him. It was not just driving and hearing music that reminded me of him. It was also just watching plain television. Most of the TV shows that I watched in my spare time were ones that Freeman and I had always watched together. I could not help but think back to all the times that we had watched them together over the summer or on the weekends. Most of my time was pretty much spent just laying in the bed and crying myself to sleep every night.
I began not caring about anything. All of my priorities just did not seem important to me anymore. If Freeman could up and walk out of my life after me thinking for so long that he was the only thing that mattered, then, how was I supposed to be sure that anything else in my life would bring me happiness? If the one thing in my life that meant the most was gone, then, nothing else in my life was guaranteed. There was no hope for me. Well, that’s what I was trying to convince myself at the moment.
Now, I am glad that I had my heart broken. As the days and months went by, my mind grew happier. I am a stronger and better person today because of the heart break. It has showed me that you cannot take things for granted. It has showed me that I cannot just jump into relationships head first and not keep my guard up. It has also made me more independent. During the duration of my relationship with Freeman, I was very dependent of him. I needed his attention all the time and I always had to be with him. If my time on the weekend was not spent with him, then, it was spent at home. I felt like I could not go out by myself without him, because I would be unhappy. This was very untrue though. Now, I realize that going out on my own can be more fun. I did not realize how much I was actually being suffocated in the relationship until I got out of it. Though it was tough at first, I feel like it has made me into a better and stronger person. Sure, it felt horrible going through heart break and I am still not over it, but it has had it’s good effects on me. Right now, I am just working on falling out of love with him.